Relational Harmony


Sunday, March 26, 2006

Insomnia

The room is lit with only the light from my laptop. I don’t know what woke me up today. The whistling of the wind or a nightmare or an over speeding car or just a cop car. I looked outside the window, across the street. At 3 in the morning things looked serene. There were no people running around going to places to doing things they have to do. No hustle-bustle in the small shopping complex. The calmness almost scared me. How ironic. A small sound wakes me from my peaceful slumber and at the same time the lack of any sound scares me. I turn on TV and start flipping channels. My mind is as chaotic as the cartoon show that’s coming on TV. I try sorting my thoughts for the first time in months. They are trapped in oblivion unscathed by acceptance or fantasy. Accepting for what I am and fantasizing for what I could’ve been. It suddenly occurred to me that I categorized it as ‘fantasy’ not as ‘dream’. I felt my eyes burning. I wondered if it was because I hadn’t had a decent sleep for months now or if I was tearing up. I chuckled. I don’t do crying jigs. A melancholic feeling washed over me. I didn’t bother to switch off TV or my laptop. I waited for dawn to arrive.


Posted by Sookie :: Sunday, March 26, 2006 :: 9 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Ghosts of the past

All I ever wanted was a chance to catch my breath
To see the world go by and lay my ghosts to rest
- Ghosts by Dirty Vegas

He: Hey babe!

She: Hey. How is life?
He: If I die, it will be because of boredom. My thinking is the best it has been for sometime and my decision making is at its worst. Life was never so complicated. It was so simple when there was no choice. I don’t see where I am going. Basically, nothing has changed. And I realize I am rambling.
She: Welcome to mid-twenties insecurity where everyone in this world seem to be making progress except you. And you feel you don't know what's going on. Everyone goes through that phase. You ramble when you are confused. What have you been up to?
He: I am being a complete man. It would be crude joke if I say Raymonds but the thing is I have become a much better observer and a less-biased individual. Sounds corny, doesn't it? What happened between us? We don't talk much or write to each other anymore.
She: We got old? We got distant? We didn't find time for each other?
He: I take that it’s very difficult to maintain that closeness after your college et al.
She: First. Et al is used with people and not with things. Second. I didn't get the point.
He: I am ready to let others be in return expecting me to be myself. I am not worried what they think of me and I am not here to pretend what I am not. I know this is going to be very confusing to you, as it is for me. Forgive me for my English. Et al - used as an abbreviation of 'et alibi' when referring to other occurrences in a text
and else where, et al from http://thefreedictionary.com/et%20al.
She: So you are saying you have dropped the pretense. I wonder if you had any with me in the first place.
He: I preferred ignoring than pretending with you. Helped my soul. But now, I am not sure anymore. Of course I used to get immense pleasure in riling you up. I miss the arguments we used to have. It was so easy to make you lose your temper.
She: Are you saying I am an easy bait?
He: Of course you were. I guess I never had the courage to tell you that I liked you. Though I chose other ways of expressing it.
She: And when did you express your "likeness" to me? And what was I doing when you were "expressing" it?
He: Guess you are/were too thick to realize. I can't believe 3 years have gone by. Time is a killer.
She: ...
He: Ghosts of the past bothering you?
She: Yeah. They have started to haunt my present. Its a bit scary actually.
He: So what do you plan to do?
She: Face them and give them a closure. And I plan on saying good bye to them properly.
He: When do you plan to start doing that?
She: I started it about 30 minutes back.


Posted by Sookie :: Tuesday, March 14, 2006 :: 4 Comments:

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