Thursday, April 20, 2006

Night

So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain
Guns N Roses (November Rain)

I met her couple of nights back in one of the local pubs. She gave me her number after we shared some drinks and a handful of dances. Tonight, she called me to visit her. So here I am standing out on the corner of the street where she lives. Its past midnight already and I know I am late. But after tonight, I hope she’ll understand why. I am dressed in black and almost blend with the night. For a very long time now, the darkness has been my only companion. My coat flutters and my wavy hair is all over my face. I chuckle. That must be the breeze. It seems like it’s been a lifetime since I felt the breeze. Or felt anything at all. I continue my slow pace towards her house and contemplating on my life or lack of it. I stop in front of a small house. I see that she has a small garden full of daisies. I choose a red one for her. I stand outside her door and try to collect myself. I don’t remember being this nervous before. I am about to knock on the door but then I see that she has left the door unlocked. There is a knot in my stomach just by thinking her trust in me. I almost turn around, go back to my house and forget everything; her scent, her laugh, her smile and even her existence. But I need her. I need her more than I need anything else. She was so full of energy, so full of life and so full of questions. She even offered me a good sunscreen to get the paleness out of my face. I had felt something for her. I, a person who doesn’t feel anything, felt a small faint of something towards this person. Was that an emotion? I smile at these memories and walk into her house. She is on couch sleeping; perhaps she fell asleep waiting for me. I see two glasses and a bottle of wine; the wine bottle is not yet opened. I watch her sleep and her steady rise and fall of her chest in a rhythm for which I almost wanted to dance. I position myself in front of her. I can smell the faint perfume of her, something sweet something floral something very much like her. I can see the pale green colored vein on her slender neck bulged slightly. I whisper softly - “Sorry” I really meant it. I bit her neck slowly. I could feel her reacting to the pain I am causing her. I was glad that I couldn’t see the horror on her face or her disappoint in me in her eyes or her surrender for the mistake she did by trusting me. I close my eyes and feel almost alive with warm blood that I can taste and I can feel it flowing in me. Once finished, I slowly move away from her body. I don’t allow myself to look at her face. It would’ve broken my heart, if I had one. I pick up the red daisy that I had chosen for her and walked away. And again, I felt nothing.

Posted by Sookie :: Thursday, April 20, 2006 :: 12 Comments:

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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Raspberry Sorbet

I’m staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I’m searching for the words inside my head
- Avril Lavigne (Things I'll never say)

“I am sorry that it didn’t work out for you.”
“That’s fine. I knew it wasn’t going to work out anyway.”
“Are you going to be ok? I mean this was your seventh relationship in last 4 years.”
“I am going to be fine. This was bound to happen anyway.”
“I know this is none of my business, but since I’ve known you for more than a decade now, am asking you this. Why do you keep doing this?”
“Why do I keep doing what?”
“This. You keep getting hurt frequently in relationships.”
“I had felt something some years back. It was something for a person which I cannot express in words. I still don’t know what that feeling was, what the emotion was, but it was something which even Time was not able to fiddle with.”
“You didn’t find that ‘something’ in any of your previous relationships?”
“No. The chemistry was right; the sparks were there and the attitudes matched. But still, at the end of the day there was a small void in me. Somehow none of them were able to fill that.”
“Didn’t you let anyone know in those relationships what you were looking for?”
“Are you mad? Of course not.”
“So what do you want to do next?”
“I am going to search for that feeling again. But this time I want you to be there with me.”
“Sure. You know that I am always there with you.”
“Actually, I meant I want you to be there with me in the relationship, not as just a close friend.”
“….”
“I never thought I would live to see the day when you are speechless!”
“Whatever!”
“You still haven’t answered yet you know.”
“If I say ‘yes’ will you buy me an ice-cream?”
“Sure.”
“Wonderful. I’ll have a Raspberry Sorbet then.”

Posted by Sookie :: Wednesday, April 19, 2006 :: 9 Comments:

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Monday, April 17, 2006

Its simply you and me...

You were holding me
Like someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
- Rob Thomas (Ever the same)

“For the last couple of months I am seeing that you are not hanging around with our friends group much. Is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine. Of late I like being just by myself.”
“Pardon me? Last time I checked, people detest being alone. And also the fact that it’s quite depressing to be alone.”
“I’ve had my share of friends and acquaintances. Even now I am not sure why I slowly detached myself from them. It was a bit difficult in the beginning, but slowly I got used to my solitude.”
“Solitude? You just said you were lonely. Aren’t these two different?”
“I honestly don’t know. Perhaps solitude is something that you embrace with a choice and loneliness is more because of non-blending nature that you have compared to the nature of the people with whom you hangout with. I guess mine is a combination of both.”
“So are you saying that you like being alone?”
“What I am saying is I prefer less human contact.”
“I think you need therapy. Immediately.”
“I think I need a companion.”
“But you just said you don’t like human contact!”
“Sorry. Looks like I am getting you confused with my choice of words. What I meant was, I prefer associating with very less number of people.”
“You prefer to be alone but still you want to have some close friends, perhaps a couple of them at the most. Am I correct at least now?”
“You are right. I need a person with whom I can share anything - from my insecurities to my bank balance, my jealousy towards my peers to my passion for teaching. Things like that.”
“So you want a person who will be always there with you?”
“No. I want a person who will come looking for me because I am lost and sticks with me till the work is done. A relationship where very few words are exchanged, emotions are read from face and the distance really not mattering much.
“Do you even know such a person in our friends circle? Or have you met someone new?”
“I know one such person and right now, right this moment am talking to that person.”

Posted by Sookie :: Monday, April 17, 2006 :: 9 Comments:

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A spring afternoon, a guava tree and a conversation...

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
- Nickelback (Photograph)

“If you show me one end of the string, then I will show you the other.”
“If you keep string in a circle, then there are no ends.”
“If you show me the beginning point of the string that is in the form of a circle then I will show the other.”
“If the other end or even a part of the string goes through a potential wormhole then showing me the other end quite improbable.”
“You do realize that we can go on with this discussion for hours and also the fact that we have an exam in less than 36 hours?”
“Come on, we have already revised for this subject twice. If I see one more of that heat engine problem, then am going to jump from this guava tree. Hmm…these guavas are good by the way. It’s a pity your dad is going to cut this down. I am going to miss this tree. I am going to miss sitting on this tree, eating guavas, playing with your dog, talking about some random subject, the way you passionately talk about morals, studying for tests and exams with you and gossiping about every living thing around us. I am going to treasure these little moments you know.”
“I know. I know.”

3 years later…

“It was so great catching up with you. It’s been three years since we have met!!”
“Yes. It’s wonderful that you’ve visited my home for a few times in last couple of years. My parents were very pleased. It’s sad though, the guava tree was cut down and dad cemented the entire area.”

“Guava tree? Did you have one?”

Posted by Sookie :: Tuesday, April 11, 2006 :: 12 Comments:

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

If you listen closely...

If you want me close enough
I can whisper you the words
- C21 (Stuck in my heart)

"What is it that made you talk to me?"
"Your aloofness, intelligence and the fact that you are a fan of Harry Potter."
"That's lame."
"Oh! I didn't know you expected a fabricated answer. Fine. I'll give it to you If that's what you wanted to hear.
When I heard your voice, it was like the wind was whispering sweet nothings to its beloved. In your eyes, I saw a crazy calmness. A calmness that both scared me and fascinated me. When you walked past me, it felt like a cool breeze on a warm spring afternoon. I heard you speak to your peer. The poor guy was totally bowled over by your in-depth knowledge and the classy way you were carrying out yourself. That was when I decided that I had to talk to you. And that was when I knew that I can talk to you about Harry Potter, watch Miyazaki Animes, drink coffee, cook dinner and do all the little things for you for the rest of my life."
"....."
"Aren't you happy that you got the answer you were expecting?"
"Let's just say, if we weren't in this posh cafe and if my cappuccino weren't cold and almost finished, I would have happily dumped entire coffee on your head."
"Irritated? But that's what you wanted to hear wasn't it? That how nice and fine and classy you are."
"I just wanted an honest answer. Is that too much to ask?"
"What I gave you was also an honest answer. Except that I used a lot of adjectives. Is that too much to handle?"
"I cannot handle dishonesty. Atleast not from you."
"I cannot say that I don't lie. All I can say is that whenever I talk to you, it becomes difficult for me to speak anything other than what I know and what I honestly feel."
"Are you saying that you never lie to me?"
"All I am saying is I am honest with you."
"But you just told me about wind whispering, cooking and things like that!!!"
"Again, all I am saying is that I am being honest with you."

Posted by Sookie :: Thursday, April 06, 2006 :: 6 Comments:

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